I didn't want to live anymore.
Writing this still feels like an echo from an old version of myself. But it was reality. And it took three dramatic encounters to wake me up – both tender and radical.
A person very close to me, who accompanied me through my inner turmoil, revealed to me one day how great her fear of losing me was.
The words:
"I never know if you'll still be here when I get home"
—they cut deep. Out of concern, he spoke the ultimate truth:
Either I get help – or she would have to report me as vulnerable to a clinic.
This confrontation was like a shock. And a wake-up call. I knew what reporting me would have meant: restraints, medication, control. But that was exactly what I didn't want. I wanted freedom. And yet... I also finally wanted help.
A few days later, I was sitting in the emergency room of a wonderful psychologist who gave me clear advice: "Go to a clinic. Voluntarily. That's where your return to yourself begins."
I gave myself permission to go in a clinic for mental health.
For the first time, I was out of everyday life. Out of the spiral. And into the middle of a real encounter – with myself and people who felt similarly.
Therapy. Bodywork. Space to breathe. Hope.
But the true turning point came quietly – one night.
A spiritual dream that changed my heart forever:
I experienced my death. I saw what would happen if I left. The pain I left behind. The tasks that remained unfulfilled. And then… my deceased spirit horse appeared. It showed me that my place is here. That I am needed. That my light must still shine.
When I woke up, I knew: I want to live.
Not just exist. Not function. Live.
And the will to truly heal grew stronger day by day.
✨ Today healing means to me:
Fredom. Peace. Acceptance.
What does healing mean to me today?
For me, healing no longer has anything to do with a perfect life.
It's not about "making go of" pain or "repairing" wounds.
For me, healing is freedom.
Peace. Deep acceptance.
It's the feeling that something that was once infinitely heavy has now softened.
That I no longer have to fight, but can receive.
I have gone through many small deaths – and with each rebirth of myself, I have become a little more the woman I truly am.
For me, healing is: being allowed to be me. Radically. True. Full of love.
💎 What I was able
to realize in the clinic:
The biggest insight from the clinic?
I am not alone.
And I am not "wrong."
My emotions—as overwhelming as they often were—never wanted to be my enemy.
I was able to learn to work with them. To turn to them.
There was so much power, so much truth in them. And above all: access to my essence.
It was the first time in my life that I was understood—by others and by myself.
And this being understood was the beginning of my new world.
🔥 My body today –
my temple, my home:
I've become my own lover.
My body today?
I used to feel like a prisoner of myself.
I couldn't stand reflections, I flinched at every touch – full of disgust, rejection, pain.
I was a stranger to myself.
Today?
Today I look at myself in the mirror and I see my power. I touch myself with devotion. I love myself. I admire myself. I'm obsessed with everything I am.
I'm not just my biggest fan.
I've become my safe haven. My temple. My lover.
And you know what? I'm proud. Really, really proud. And you, YOU can do that too!
🦅 Holism is my view from above:
My spirit animal, the eagle, helps me see the bigger picture.
What does "holism" mean to me today – also in systemic work?
I love taking the eagle's perspective.
And I mean that literally – my spirit animal is the eagle. It reminds me again and again:
ZOOM OUT.
In constellation work, I sit energetically on its back. I look from above.
I see: Ah – there's an ancestral issue.
Ah – a soul contract from a previous life is at work here.
Ah – this pain has a message, a purpose.
For me, holism means:
Not just looking at the problem, but at the root.
And at the same time, the potential.
I sense deeply what the system needs to remember, to resolve, to reorganize itself.
Everything is information.
Everything is medicine.
🤍- Message to you – if you're currently struggling:
"Your key to freedom is just a decision away.
Not just any decision –
but your powerful, conscious decision for life.
For you. For your path.
Learn to want it –
and you will receive what you need."
I am Katharina.
And I am here to remind you that you carry everything you are seeking within you.
I am here to breathe with you. To feel.
To remember.
And to return home together, little by little—to your body.
Your truth. Your essence.